Homeless Again: Perhaps it's time for a career change
Not my usual post here, but since I haven't posted much in awhile, I decided I might as well make a post with some updates on my personal life to fill in the gaps.
Not the first time homeless
I've been homeless before, and kept an active online and public blog of how it went, if you wish to go there and read that blog. Although the last time I was homeless, I had a safe vehicle to sleep in, this time around, I do not have that luxury and so I must be more active and trying to figure myself out if I can.
This time around, I do have some funds to use, both through the provinces aide program, as well as through my lately done tax refund. I have been trying to stay at a cheap rooming hotel, but haven't had much luck with that yet, and feel that this weekend I might be needing to fork out a bit extra for a more expensive hotel room instead just to keep myself safe in what can be a rather dangerous city at times. Once I get a proper place to stay, such as a hotel room, I am planning on working on a new game idea that I recently thought about. I have another game, a virtual pet game which I have made quite a bit of progress on before going homeless that I also plan to put more work into eventually as well. However, this new game idea which came to me after staying at a Crisis Stabilization Unit, will be much different. I am still trying to flush out the ideas and such.
Why I went back to my hometown
For those unaware of where I was living, I had an apartment in Calgary, Alberta. Due to some sour friendships, and not being able to get closure from these past friends as much as I tried, they kept dismissing me, I didn't feel very safe, and continuously felt like they were trying to sabotage my life. I kept this to myself, in hopes that it will eventually blow over and I could eventually continue myself. Past employments since one of these friends left living with me have been constantly a struggle, and since I am unable to get proper closure from these past friends, it only festered in my mental health causing me to go into a deep paranoia, and I no longer felt very safe being in Calgary, and so I thought to myself, if I am unable to secure a decent employment by the times my current savings runs out, I am going to go back to my hometown, where I am currently. As there is a lot more social and metal health services here than in Alberta, and my family is also here. While I am feeling a bit safer since I arrived, the way some people have been treating me, as only made me feel less safe and uncertain. I am still planning on hopefully finding a secure and safe place to eventually live before winter hits though, as the winters in Canada can be quite brutal. I have also recently started to create videos on TikTok if you wish to watch and follow me through this part of my life there. I will be posting at least 3 60s videos throughout my day to show how my life is in the moment, I have some alarms set on my phone to ensure that I am available and ready at that time to make those videos.
The Lies
Last week, I drank some alcohol to de-stress after losing another potential apartment. At one point while intoxicated I decided to go into the city area, and perhaps I was in the wrong place at the wrong time, but this group of men came at me and essentially jumped me. I lost roughly $100 cash which was in my pocket, and originally thought my wallet was also missing, but it only fell down my pant leg as I later found out when at the ER. I was punched multiple times on my right forehead, and got a black eye as a result. My head still feels a bit tender, but I otherwise feel fine. My arm probably took the most damage during the night, either I fell, but after a nice lady at a crisis unit noticed a blue bruise on my arm, I feel like they must have punched me there on my arm to immobilize me. My arm took several days to finally heal enough to use and type. I also lost my glasses, which I am hoping to have replaced later today. I made the headline Lies, as while staying at the Crisis Stabilization Unit, the nurses kept making me feel as though I acted in self-harm, and didn't actually get jumped. I'm not entirely sure if this is what they actually believe, but I tend to pick up social queues incorrectly due to my autism disability, so I could just be merely misinterpreting it. To be denounced for something that I know actually happened feels very demeaning. This is also how I've been feeling when I've been trying to get closure from these past friends, whom are merely dismissing what I have done to them. Does this imply that I won't have to worry about any repercussions from the law, as they don't even want to deal with it? I'm actually rather confused on why they are dismissing it, but since these sort of things tend to get into my head, I feel like they are up to something else as a result. I've been picking up on perhaps even incorrect social queues throughout these past few years that for the like of me, I cannot get out of my head, and I either need to ignore them, or occasionally try to seek closure.
What will the future hold?
Well, I'm hopeful that eventually I'll find a safe and quiet place to live, and if I do not, I do have other plans which I will follow through come winter. These plans will not be mentioned until after they are executed as to keep myself safe. If I am able to secure a safe and quiet place to live here in my hometown, then I think as I do have disability and am not obligated to secure employment, is to continue working on game development and to flush out this new game idea that I have and see where it might bring me, so stay tuned for an eventual beta/demo release on my website when something is ready enough for public display. I just need to keep my head up and looking forward. The hospitals here are apparently overcrowded, so even if I technically do have a mental illness such as paranoia and nothing is actually happening, and these past friends are just playing games with my head, then I might eventually be-able to move forward with live on my own as time passes. I feel that these past friends aren't saying anything to the law most likely out of embarrassment, as partly because from their point-of-view, they didn't really do or say anything. Heck, I even approached them while they were staying at my place to tell them, and ask them how they felt, only to go onto deaf ears, so... This is where the confusion is. I never asked them for any rent or anything, and it was entirely their choice to remain in my place, as they could have left at any point, so this is where I think it might get a bit gray legally for all of us, and make bringing the law into it a bit complicated. I of course have various journals and such from that point in time still, along with other evidence which I have collected to protect myself, as they have only been coy about everything, only triggering me to wonder their true motivations. I'm still not certain if they actually sabotaged by jobs, but the way each employment has been treating me since only makes me have more questions than answers.
Until I post again, do follow me on TikTok as that is where most of my updates will be from this time forward. Thank you for reading and listening to what I have had to say. Stay safe, employed, and most importantly sheltered in this increasingly hostile world we find ourselves in.